Cats=passive-aggressive

Oh my goodness. Cats HAVE to be THE most passive-aggressive of any animal in existence. Here's the story.

My boyfriend and I took in a little stray cat family a year ago. It was a momma and her four kids but one had to be put down due to the incurable Manx Syndrome. So then we had four cats total. Though we have a full house, this has worked out fine. However, prior to this little cat family, we had a single cat named Simmy. Before we took in the stray cat family, we brought Simmy to his mom's house since male cats generally don't get along with baby kittens. Recently, now that the kittens are a year old, Joey decided it was time that we bring Simmy back to our apartment, with the four other cats. Simmy, it should be known, is perfectly content being an only cat, and furthermore, would love being an old PET period. But as long as he is left alone, he's fine. So we introduced him back into our apartment. All the three siblings took to him just fine, but the momma had some issues. Perhaps this is because she was in the wild and had to fend for herself for who knows how long. Or perhaps she was pissed at the male cat who knocked her up and left her, so she wanted to let Simmy know that she wouldn't be had again. She literally stalked him, watching his every move. If he stopped and just lied there, she would stop and just stare at him. If he moved, she would creep behind him, crouching down in what I call "the hunting position." As long as she didn't mess with him, all this was ok with me.

Then one fine day, a few days ago, Mamacita (the momma cat, obviously) was on the bed and she peed. PEED. I saw it happen. Cat pee stinks, bad. Worse than dog pee. And it is hard to get out of any material--the smell, I mean. So we have kept the door to the bedroom shut so that she can't go in. Well, we've forgotten a time or two and she got in two days ago and then again tonight. Except tonight, she went all out. Not only did she leave an almost two-foot long puddle, but she pooped! And to top it all off, she had the decency to bury it, so that the unsuspecting humans didn't find it until after we sat in the bed. I think she pees on the bed because that is one of Simmy's favorite spots. Well, tonight Joey was tired after having worked all day today and yesterday and he is ready to get rid of her. I'm on the fence because we DO have lots of cats. But I like her. She is the most vocal of the cats: whenever I go to pet her, she meows like no other, very loudly. And if I stop petting her, she knows where my hands are and will give me an encouraging nudge to resume.

It is a pain to have to keep the bedroom door closed and to find pee and poop on the bed. I don't even think those chemicals that are supposed to deter cats from peeing in certain areas will work. Maybe it would--I'm no expert. I just know something has to be done.