Living Together

There is a guy on the radio, I have no idea of his name, who on many occasions says of relationships: If you're going to marry someone, you should live with them first and likewise, you should only live with someone if you plan to marry them.

I think this is a great motto or rather, belief. I am of a more conservative view about living with someone and believe that two people in a relationship should only live together if they plan to marry. (Of course the exception is in the case of gays who cannot marry, and in that case, just a lifelong commitment, which is what a marriage is, is perfectly lovely.) And, the older I get, the more I think two people SHOULD live together before they marry. One can find out so many things about a person by living with them. The guy on the radio, who said this thing about living together, bases it on many of his male friends who get married without having first lived with their wife, to their own demise. They wish they would have lived with her first. On the other hand, I understand, seeing as I was raised within it, the Christian idea that if two people have the same morals, they will be able to make it work. That's all good in theory, but sometimes theories are wrong. Of course, when this radio guy says this, there are all sorts of women who call in to say they are getting married in a few months and they've never lived with their man. They are usually pretty pissed about the radio guy's views. For some people, not living together first may work, certainly. There are always exceptions. But just look at the divorce rate in this country! I certainly think that there are many other issues there besides not living together, but I wonder how much of a difference that would make. What if marriage laws were more strict to say that a couple planning on marriage had to live together first? Naturally, as with many rules, people who don't want to do this due to religion could petition their way out of it. But I don't tend to support more laws for the way people live. I'm all about laizze faire, or whatever that French saying is. I wonder, though, how our divorce rate would be affected by this regulation. I also wonder how our divorce rate would be affected if gays were allowed to marry.

I think one of the problems with regulating marriage is that individuals are just that: very different, developmentally. Some 17-year-olds who marry end up staying together for life, and others hardly last four weeks. And some 29-year-olds who marry don't last very long while others do. There is no one rule that could cure our high divorce rate. I think divorce is a pretty big deal, mostly if there are kids involved. It takes a toll on any child, no matter the age at which the divorce happens.